"One Is Not Born, But Becomes, A Woman"
Simone de Beauvoir wrote those words over 72 years ago. They remain more than relevant today.
No one had ever written anything like The Second Sex when it came out in France in 1949. Author Simone de Beauvoir brought together sociology, anthropology, psychology and existential philosophy to produce a work that went deep into the feminine condition as it had existed up to the mid-twentieth century -- and in many ways, in much of the world, still exists today.
Her most famous, and apt, quote from this book is, “A woman is not born, but becomes, a woman.” By that she meant, as she said in a 1995 interview on French television, that a female child is molded from birth to grow into a woman, even in the way she is carried, cradled, talked to. The idea is to instill in her an essence, the “eternal feminine” as has been extolled by writers and poets for centuries. (I should clarify: male writers and poets, almost entirely.)
Now, that does not mean that it is actually possible to subject a male child to such molding, and produce a female. That was actually attempted once, in Canada, in the famous Bruce/Brenda case, by noted (and since discredited) psychologist John Money. It did not end well.
For ages, people believed children were mere putty to be shaped as desired by parents and society. There was even a theory, courtesy of John Locke, called “tabula rasa,” erased tablet, harkening back to the reusable wax tablets children used. According to Locke, humans were born possessing no knowledge of any kind; facts and learning all had to come from outside, through the individual's life experiences. One might imagine that, going by Locke's view, a child could indeed be molded into any form -- even any gender.
However, the awful experience of Bruce Reimer goes a long way to disprove such theories. When the attending physician botched baby Bruce's circumcision, he then tried to fix things (and effectively cover up his malpractice) by convincing the Reimers that their baby could, after gender reassignment surgery, be easily raised as a female. Bruce, now being raised as a girl named Brenda (with Dr. Money's stereotype-driven assistance), never accepted the role, knowing on some innate level that he was still a boy. After a life of suffering, never being able to properly integrate into society, Bruce/Brenda had surgery to produce male genitalia; even that could not alleviate his pain, and at last he took his own life.
There are other examples as well, such as Renee Richards, a pioneering transgender figure in the 1970s, whose psychiatrist mother sought to jam him into a female mold, putting her son through such hell that later in life almost everything Richards tried in the name of becoming a woman was marked by her own self-destructive impulses, from vaginoplasty botched by one quack to voicebox surgery botched by another, which nearly destroyed her vocal chords.
Much of what we think of as femininity is, after all, a social construct: the clothes, the makeup, many feminine mannerisms and attitudes, are neither intrinsic nor necessary to a woman's existence, but largely exist as social markers. (Which is not to say that I myself do not find such things important. Even though I lived most of my life as a male, I was born into this world as a woman -- even if for decades I was the only one who knew.)
John Money attempted to instill femininity in Brenda Reimer using dolls, dresses, and helping Mommy in the kitchen. But there was nothing within the child for those traits, those affectations to connect with. There is a feminine essence, or at least so I believe; there is also a male essence. Both these things are far more complex and subtle than most researchers had suspected, and it is clear that gender stereotypes do nothing to unlock them; think Goddess most mental health professionals have come to realize as much.
De Beauvoir's book was a signal effort to point out the problem of woman's true identity in the modern world. At a time when women in many countries still could not vote, take out a business loan without a male cosigner, use birth control, get a driver's license, or any of a long list of rights and freedoms most women take for granted now, she laid bare the fact that women from childhood were shaped into utilities and conveniences, in short chattels, for men. Women were being held back by a society that forced them into childbearing servitude by means as cruel and heartless as chicken batteries to the birds imprisoned in them. And all the while, the male-dominated culture preached that this very subjugation of women was essential to society's continuation.
De Beauvoir herself has said that from the beginning she pursued an intellectual life, and therefore was spared the life of marriage and childbearing most women were groomed for. This fact of her life led her to the realization that, again, one is not born, but becomes, a woman. Expectations and obligations are grafted onto a woman much like branches onto a fruit tree, which cause it to bear fruit not natural to its species. And others may enjoy that fruit, but neither the tree nor the woman is left undamaged by such tampering.
This forcing and reshaping of women's personalities, choices and destinies is a largely male approach, to a problem that does not exist. Many men do fear, even hate, strong women; men spent millenia getting to the top, and aren't about to cede any of that power to women without a fight, which in today's culture wars is still ongoing.
And of course, for people like myself, whether trans women or trans men, that struggle goes even deeper. Men who were once women seek a balance that will not pull them into the standard operating procedures of the patriarchy, while trans women seek to define whole new roles for themselves, as have many women (much as did de Beauvoir herself).
These efforts to change the status quo are running head-on into resistance, both from men and from women who have too much at stake to stand up against the patriarchy. But that stone wall is beginning to crumble; when it finally goes for good, it will make as much noise as the one in Berlin did back in ‘91. And it will be even more cause for celebration.